It is the late sixties. A young Black girl in the South. She is about 5 or 6 and is wearing a blue flowered dress and black patent leather shoes with a strap across the top and white socks. The man she is with can't be seen clearly but he is White and in his mid to late 20's and he drives a light blue late 60's pickup truck. They are in a set of fields with trees at the end behind the truck. The truck is on a dirt path with a bank to the driver's side with hay on it and another field above. They are at the front of the truck. The man kills the girl, and may have raped her.

If anyone who might read this and recognize this story I would appreciate a response. Thanks.

"Then she was all dark hair, hands in fists, Nia's nose and mouth. She came to me so slow, it was just like somebody brushed the air witha feather." the first part last by Angela Johnson.

I just finished reading the book "the first part last." It is an absolutely incredible story. The book is a fairly quick read but definitely not light reading. Angela Johnson's book, which won the Michael Prinz Award for Excellence in Young Adult Literature, is the moving story of a teenage dad. The story alternates between then, when Bobby's girlfriend Nia was pregnant and now, after the baby is born. The book leaves the reader with the mixed feelings of sadness and joy as Bobby makes the decisions that he believes will benefit his daughter, Feather, the most. I recommend this thought provoking book for more mature 14 and 15 year-olds and older.

The dining room is finally finished and it looks great! I don't plan on doing any more remodeling myself until at least December. I had the Youth group over tonight to bake cookies and have pizza. They are really a great group of kids and their parents are nice too. I really need to allow myself to get to know someone before I judge them. One of the parents I thought was not very nice, but she is great! She is very supportive of her kids and very generous, in many different ways) to others. During the afternoon it was all girls and they talked about school and teachers and I feel like they are very open about things and it is like I am one of them. This is what I really wanted, something I have missed out on for many years, since, as the librarian, I don't see any students long enough to get to know them. The ideas that they have, how they feel, they're just great kids.


Just as a little disclaimer, anything that resembles poetry here is usually written when I am still mostly asleep and therefore, may seem pretty out there, but makes sense at 2 AM. I have gone 6 weeks on half of the Paxil dose and am doing ok. Some of the coping habits I have learned I am using. As a matter of fact, I think I need to brush up on them, in particular mindfulness and calming habits. I am having difficulty with one thing which might sound amusing, but after four days is not! Somewhere on the Web I read something about Trannies. Judging from the context I believe this refers to transexuals. But I now cannot get the term Trannie Annie out of my head. It just keeps rolling over and over again. I need something else, perhaps the song It's a Small World. Oh well-it was a busy day, but my house is cleaned, the lawn is mown and I am really beat.

Dreamless morning

try to catch the tails of the dreams but they slip from my grasp
dry hair, dry clothes, calm breathing
thankful for a dreamless morning
the dreams, which did occur, are already forgotten, never to haunt my waking hours
a blanket of crickets chirping intertwined with the chameleon call of a mockingbird.

And the dining room continues... What should have been a very easy room to redecorate has turned into a major project. We are now on day 5 of preparing trim. The previous owners made some of their own renovations, which have meant that my father and I have had to improvise to get everything to fit right and look good. I am hoping to be finished by the weekend. There have also been endless appointments-physical therapy for my shoulder, my psymd, therapist, hair, dentist, DS's orthodontist, psymd, therapist, dentist, the vet for one cat, Wednesday night at the movies, phone calls trying to get my grade from the course I finished on May 30, it seems endless. Along with that has been the addition of one to two or three extra boys here everyday. I'm glad DS is making friends but it makes it difficult to finish anything!
I am so tired, I just want to sleep and not dream-they are much too troublesome and I am constantly bothered by the memories of them. I am having trouble telling between dream life and real life.
Just got my hair chopped off. After having been so slim all my life I never had long hair-so went the meds added 50 lbs, I figured what the heck. It was almost halfway down my back, but I couldn't comb it wet anymore and often had to cut knots out. Now chin length it looks great and feels great. I am starting to dress better and make my appearance better-I really need to take care of myself physically to feel better mentally.
Well, I'm starving and need to paint (more....).

I don't know what's going on. I have been very confused the past few days, unable to find the right words to use, substituting other unrelated words and not even always realizing it. I can't really concentrate on one thing, never mind more than one. I have also had a couple bouts of uncontrollable shaking, both at night and just now. I never know who to call-my md or my psychmd. Now there are only 3 weeks left to summer and I feel like I haven't relaxed at all. The money will be very tight until the first week in September and I feel like I have not handled the money well this summer. I am caught up on most of my work for school and church, but I haven't even finished reading a single book or gone to the beach!

Well, last night was pretty wild. I had been doing very well, even cutting the Paxil dose in half. I got through the funeral alright and Sunday went well. But last night was a hell night. Nightmares all night-terrible horrifying ones, not I went to work with no clothes on, but nightmares involving maiming, killing, sick to my stomach ones. I can't remember them this time, which I haven't decided is good or bad, but thinking about them now turns my stomach. These were mixed in with what my psychmd calls "waking dreams." Others might call them hallucinations. I have had these for years even before I was diagnosed. Some are pleasant-beautiful flowers growing from the walls, some are horrible-individuals intent on harming me, my husband, or my son. Last nights were of the latter. I only remember one, it was a glowing, writhing, colorful knot at the end of the bed which I could not get by without getting hurt. I have a very good husband who helps me wake up and calm down. I don't usually tell others about these, because they might think I was really off my rocker. When I finally woke up this morning I was sick to my stomach with a headache and fever, I'm hoping it was all a result of the fever.

I recently discovered a website where sterling silver ribbon pins can be purchased. Wearing these help raise awareness of mental illnesses and how common they are. (1 out of every 5 Americans will be treated for a mental disorder this year-which means you probably know 1 or 2.) The website is Narsad Artworks.