All grown up

So, the young one is off to school. Part of me hopes he fails, but I know that isn't really what I want. It is just that for 19 years it has been my boy and me. While I have not stopped living for him, he has always been there for me to talk to and take with me. Now I come home to an empty house. I need to figure out something I want to do. I don't know where that will take me, but I am sure there is something I will find. It's not that there isn't enough to do around the house, so I should be able to find things to do.

As for the boy, it IS definitely time for him to be working out on his life on his own. It will have fun times and scary times but is his time. While Dad misses him too, he his normal and doesn't have to wrap himself around the boy so tight that he tries to get away. A problem I have and while I try to keep from doing that, it still happens. There are so much confusing things that happen. This summer was ok, I feel kind of weird that I don't miss Pop to much, but on thinking about it, he just sat at home, watched TV and drank. I think about all the things Grandad has done in the same time just astounds me. I am proud of Pop for always making sure his family had clothes, food, and a house. I am just not sure of what else happened in the house. I have heard rumors, but no one will actually say if anything is true.


Some how I lost the summer and am really unsure of the future. In addition to finding something else to do around the house, I have to find a way to keep up things at work in a positive manner.

This is has been a very rambling post because I am so confused about what is going to happen and where I will be in six months.

Lost Summer Nights

This whole summer has been tumultuous for sleeping for me. Between nightmares,  vivid dreams, dreams where I wake find myself performing the action I was dreaming about and leg and arm spasms, I have had little whole night rest. Forgot to mention the fever breaking cold and the vomiting nights. And now my husband's father has died. The doctor has put me back on Minipress to help control some of this. I am hoping it works soon.

My priest is moving to a new parish. We have not been able to give her a raise for the past couple of years and this has created a hardship for her family. It means the long process of finding someone to take her place. I thought it would be hard to see her after learning this, but an experience over the summer gave me a clear insight into the relationship we could have as a priest and parishioner. The friendship I had hoped for wasn't to be. I actually understand it though it still hurts a bit.

I have to remember the good times and see that I do all that I can to make the transition to this next chapter in her life as smooth a possible. I will miss watching her children grow. There are too many things to cry about right now so I'm signing off.