Saturday Night

We got the room ready for painting and then BH had a friend and his sons over to watch a movie. They had a good time. I spent so much time with them, that I had little time to think of other things. I have agreed to take over BH ipod and give mine to DS. It was my fault he lost his other, if he hadn't been coming to the hospital he wouldn't have lost it. I am hoping to be tired soon so I won't think about anything else. Good night.

How else out?

I have had trouble as the week has gone on. Thursday and Friday I battled the urge to cut or overdose both days. Yesterday I couldn't stand it any more and used my jack knife in my car at school-this could get me in such trouble. I did call Dr. S. and asked him to call me back. When he did I eventually told him how I have been feeling about him. It was very scary, but he asked me to talk to S. about it, because he felt it would help me. He also told me that I could still be his patient. I spent today with my sister shopping. I had to buy something of course, but I may return it. BH and DS went to Manchester together. I fought the urge to cut, but lost (or won) and cut just a couple of times. I feel very tired now and am ready to go to bed.  I hope that I can control this all and get over it quickly. I slept for a long time last night after I spoke to the doctor. Now I just want to hit the sack for one last time-we will be taking the bedroom apart in preparation for our new bedroom set coming in. Good night.

Some nightmares

One night I had a nightmare about spiders. My mom was allowing some to grow large in her kitchen, except it was my kitchen. They were very large and it was almost impossible to go by without disturbing them and they were aggressive and very poisonous. The night before was the return of the witch nightmare. Except instead of being in a house, I was at a school. I had to go into the library where the witch was. I did actually go in in spite of my fear. Then I couldn't get the kids to leave and they kept sneaking in and getting on computers. It was both scary and bizarre. Two nights ago it was that I was driving somewhere and there was the water on both sides and then it started to cover the road and I couldn't see where the road was, DS offered to drive but I wouldn't let him. Then last night I dreamt I was a grandmother watching over her 4-year-old grandson who was setting out to complete a quest on his own. I was there to make sure he made it ok without being stopped. I guided him to places to get food and clothing. Then he stopped at a theatre where people were singing. Then they stopped singing and it became dark and that was when evil entered the building and I woke up. I spent about ten minutes praying and even after I got up I was still praying. It was so scary, I couldn't get back to a peaceful spot.