Missing cats and crushed bodies

Last night was a mixture of camping or visiting someplace. I had Suiger and Skittles (gone many years now) with me. Skittles got lost and I was trying to catch her. We heard The woman's legs were pulp though I didn't see them. I went into the house to help with the boy. He had no face. His eyes and nose and mouth sunk into his face into something barely recognizable as human. They wanted me to leave him alone and do something else. I worked with them doing dishes because they would be having lots of company. They ignored the boy. I never actually saw the woman which is strange because I am not usually spared this.

Bad dreams

So last night the dream involved people in an alternate world. The people had a difference between them that caused a rift. I couldn't figure out the difference, but know I was in the "minority." I reached this place by going through a small hole in someone's house. There were three choices what to do: join the majority group which would mean an altering of memory and intelligence, ignoring the majority group and hoping they wouldn't notice us and leave us alone, or taking an overdose so they couldn't do anything with us. We tried (have no idea who other players were) to get other to join us in not doing anything, but seemed that wasn't working. Decided to commit suicide, but did not have enough prescriptions to cover everyone (Peter, Garrett, myself and the two cats. Had to get to pharmacy to get the rest of the meds.There was also a bus ride involved in which the driver just stopped driving and others had to take the bus. Then others were arguing over the bus and where it was going. It was all a bit mixed up and muddled from waiting until today to record it. But it's out now. It wasn't terribly scary, just quirky and probably is related to the book I am reading which is Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins. Goodnight.

All grown up

So, the young one is off to school. Part of me hopes he fails, but I know that isn't really what I want. It is just that for 19 years it has been my boy and me. While I have not stopped living for him, he has always been there for me to talk to and take with me. Now I come home to an empty house. I need to figure out something I want to do. I don't know where that will take me, but I am sure there is something I will find. It's not that there isn't enough to do around the house, so I should be able to find things to do.

As for the boy, it IS definitely time for him to be working out on his life on his own. It will have fun times and scary times but is his time. While Dad misses him too, he his normal and doesn't have to wrap himself around the boy so tight that he tries to get away. A problem I have and while I try to keep from doing that, it still happens. There are so much confusing things that happen. This summer was ok, I feel kind of weird that I don't miss Pop to much, but on thinking about it, he just sat at home, watched TV and drank. I think about all the things Grandad has done in the same time just astounds me. I am proud of Pop for always making sure his family had clothes, food, and a house. I am just not sure of what else happened in the house. I have heard rumors, but no one will actually say if anything is true.


Some how I lost the summer and am really unsure of the future. In addition to finding something else to do around the house, I have to find a way to keep up things at work in a positive manner.

This is has been a very rambling post because I am so confused about what is going to happen and where I will be in six months.

Lost Summer Nights

This whole summer has been tumultuous for sleeping for me. Between nightmares,  vivid dreams, dreams where I wake find myself performing the action I was dreaming about and leg and arm spasms, I have had little whole night rest. Forgot to mention the fever breaking cold and the vomiting nights. And now my husband's father has died. The doctor has put me back on Minipress to help control some of this. I am hoping it works soon.

My priest is moving to a new parish. We have not been able to give her a raise for the past couple of years and this has created a hardship for her family. It means the long process of finding someone to take her place. I thought it would be hard to see her after learning this, but an experience over the summer gave me a clear insight into the relationship we could have as a priest and parishioner. The friendship I had hoped for wasn't to be. I actually understand it though it still hurts a bit.

I have to remember the good times and see that I do all that I can to make the transition to this next chapter in her life as smooth a possible. I will miss watching her children grow. There are too many things to cry about right now so I'm signing off.

Watching History Being Made

I am still having trouble believing that we actually have an African-American for President. I can hardly describe my feelings as I continually feel the tears of joy as I watch the inauguration, the parade, the review of the parade, etc. I can only imagine how Black Americans feel. His election is not only important because he is Black, but also because his presidency hopefully marks a change in policy and a new era for the United States. I am bursting with joy!

Late night/Early Morning posts

It is obvious that writing while half asleep leads to poor spelling and grammar. After I went to bed, I had a nightmare about someone in the house with us, trying to get to me. Even the police setting up around the house didn't keep the man out. I woke up abruptly and tried to find the lights but there were none and BH couldn't find them, at which point I realized the nightmare wasn't over. I don't remember waking up from it, but I do remember being completely disturbed by the whole thing and not being able to sleep again. I am happy that they are fewer and farther between than they used to be. Only one day left to vacation, then back to the grind for all of us.

Glimmer of understanding

Tonight i almost understood that others might care if I were gone. I was thinking about how I would want my funeral to go and I just thought how my choice of music might affect my family. Whild I am not considering suicide, my priest said it is good to have have a plan in place so others don't have difficult choices to make at a time when they don't need to. Well, I am really tirede so I am heading back to bed. Good night.

Things have been going well, with just some concerns about DS. He really is bored with and hates school. His grades are reflecting it and I am worried that he may have to crash and burn before he gets it. I pray that this will not be the case. I am looking for a new psychdr. for him. His current one will not have seen him in 7 months, which is about 6 too mamy for me. I worry that his meds are not working the way they should because of his growth (6'2" now.) I am sure this will all soon be resolved.

Summer Memories

A lot has happened since I posted the last time. We went to the mission trip and had a life-changing and humbling trip. We meant people who really needed our help, who were willing to take our help and were willing to share what little they had with us.
We also went to the Grand Canyon and had a great family trip. It was wonderful to just be the three of us for a change and the Canyon was as beautiful and awesome as I remember. While m pictures are good, they still don't show it's true greatness.
Some good things have happened. The library will now be open all day again, it has already effected how many people are using the library. I had 8 classes in one day which was fantastic! Things have been going well, though I did have a spider nightmare this week. It was very sad that DS's school lost four students this summer, three from accidents, one from suicide. It wasn't discussed much, hopefully all those students who needed counseling got it. I still sometimes get urges to cut, but rarely. So all is well for now.

Secret Postcard

I was just invited to create a secret postcard. I put a secret on it-I won't say what. But it was surprising how easy it was to do and scary how morbid part of it was. I have had a couple of real lows in the past couple of weeks. I also have had a couple of nightmares. One was wake up screaming type of nightmare, the others I only remember being scary. I thought I was through with the nightmares, but I guess not. I always think that if I can remember what happened, it would get better. In any case I have to take them as the come. Time to get back to work.

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44th Birthday.

I made it, even though it has been in peril a few times in the past, I did make it to my 44th birthday. We had a nice get together and I love my new nativity set. I also got a necklace and a shirt which were very nice. Now to make it through the next year, which seems quite likely.

Image from WikipediaI have not kept up as well with the dinner making as I wanted to, but I am still cooking a couple of times a week. The hardest part is to drink as much as I am supposed to. I just can't drink that much in a day. I suppose if I keep drinking a little more a day, I will eventually get up to the amount I should be drinking. At least it doesn't have to be all water, just clear liquids. Yesterday morning was a little freaky. I woke up and went to turn off the alarm and I saw a mass of squirming things. It has been a long time since I saw things. I have been taking my medicine as I should so that can't be the reason. Oh well, it hopefully won't happen again. Time to get back to work.

Trip to the doctor

I am now seeing my PsychMD every other month. That's good, maybe he will up it to 3 months this afternoon. My colonoscopy went well last week-meaning there were no problems to be found. I have to drink more, and I have been trying to eat better. I actually cooked 4 meals last week and two nights of leftovers. We only ate out one night. And two of the meals were from Cooking Light and Rachel Ray so they were good for you meals as well as homemade meals. I should give credit to DS, he cooked the soup one night and did a really great job. Things have been going well overall. Gotta go!