It has been a very long time since I posted. I feel really at peace with myself. When I think of the goal I had of waiting until I was 53 to commit suicide, I'm not sure that is right and perhaps I should push it back a few more years. This is really a big step for me, because it is relinquishing control for me to think more along the lines that the choice should belong to God. It's still scary to think about, but there are people here who need me for a few more years. I only pray that this lasts for awhile because it does feel good.
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