Springtime!

It has been beautiful all weekend and this shows just a bit of how it feels out there.

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Lenten Epiphany

On Saturday evening I realized that I had had no trouble with thoughts of cutting throughout the Lenten season. This has been one of my most difficult times in the past and it never even crossed my mind this year until I realized that the season was over. Things have been going well, though I cut it a little close with our budget this pay. We'll get through somehow like we always do. We needed to get DS a new retainer and instead of the $95.00 we were told it would cost, the price went up to $175.00! That was a bit of a shock! The weather has been great for this vacation so far and it is supposed to continue. Work outside is calling me.

Magnet School

I found out on Sunday that BS has been admitted to a magnet school for the arts. He will be focusing on creative writing. I was really amazed to read some of his latest works, including his application and the assignment he created the day he shadowed. He can write well! I guess I find this surprising because of all the diffulty we have had getting him to do writing assignments.
Things have gone well over the past couple of weeks. I did get a little nervous about the money situation, since we will now need to pay tuition, but I believe I have figured it out. I had one nightmare last week, probably because I was nervous about DS's audition. It was pretty terrible with a creature trying to kill me. P. was very good and left the light on so I could go back to sleep.
My ob/gyn now has me on birth control pills to get my period back to normal. Because of my other meds it is all messed up with having two periods and some with nothing. It's kind of ironic since we can no longer have children. Time to get back to work.

Arachnophobia

I am really terrified of spiders, so who is the one to find the spiders? Me. I went to work outside, put on a pair of gloves, then picked up some yard stuff. I felt something in my glove between my fingers and when I shook it out there was a spider that was about an inch long with a big body and big legs. I can still feel it between my fingers and am just thankful it didn't bite me. Other than that it was a good day, much better than last year when I was in the hospital. Just that darn spider I keep feeling between my fingers, Yuck!

Springtime

I discovered yesterday just a bit of what withdrawal feels like: headache, dizzy, high blood pressure, chills, etc. I wasn't able to get my prescriptions over the weekend, so by yesterday afternoon I was not feeling well. All better now. I have little do to at work since there is a workshop going on here. Maybe, I will begin to research for a new article. The last one apparently was not printed, though no one let me know. Oh well.

Non-stop

Whew! Between appointments, work, and getting things ready for meetings, I feel like I haven't stopped since Sunday. I had a good appointment with Dr. S. yesterday. He was delighted that I was doing as well as I am. It's been a long six years but I do thing I am doing better than I have since I was a teenager, when I was somehow coping with it all, sometimes not too successfully.
DS wants to attend a magnet school, which costs $3000. But we all think it would be good for him, so if he gets in, we'll figure out how to pay for it. He has a performance tonight which he is pretty excited about. We are missing the CD launch of a friend's but we can't be in two places at once and DS is more important for us to be at. Though we are disappointed to miss the other party.
More later, I need to find a way to imbed a link and I don't have the time or the patience to do it. I figured out the problem-Safari does not have all the functions available, so I need to do this from work. Just a quick note.

I have been reading the blog of Neil Gaiman, an author. I like his style, it is short and interesting. Right now he is discussing the filming of a movie based on one of his books. I just hope the movie will be shown here in the U.S.

Now to test this link and see if it works.

Tryouts

Just trying the mobile blogging functions. Yesterday I learned how to do audioblogs, today it was photo blog entries. This is pretty cool!

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I am feeling a little triumphant today. I realized while I have not lost the weight I would have liked to, I am still at a lower weight than I was last year. I haven't been able to work out this week because of birthdays and such, but I also haven't had any chocolate this week (except for that frosting which is now all gone!) When I was baking the cake for tonight I discovered what was missing from my cake making-the smelll of my mother's mixer as it worked. That was why it always felt like a birthday. Well, time for new traditions, as long as it doesn't involve using yogurt butter-which does not bake well into a cake.

I am coming to realize that I am mediocre. I may be intelligent, but my life falls short of what I wanted. I may have two Masters degrees but I am not the go get teacher librarian I always pictured, working with teachers to create all kinds of lesson plans and working with them and the kids. It is unlikely that I will ever teach at the college level and even my book reviews are not great-though I hope to work on that with practice. But I am ok, for the most part, with this. I have a great family life, a pleasant roof over my head, and a job to go to everyday, so we can live comfortably, even if it is always on the edge.

As I was taking my multitudes of medication, I wondered if I should just stop. But then came the memories of the spiral down into desperation. K. once said that John Nash (the mathematician portrayed in A Beautiful Mind) had his profound visions when he was not taking medication. Does this mean that he should not have been given medicine so he could be a genius through and through? I guess each person needs to decide this on an individual basis.
I am practicing not getting into the her/him/themselves bit. Part of the thesis defense that took place nearly two weeeks ago. I have actually finished. Of course it took four years more than it should have, but that was what the wallet and the mind could handle. Now I have two degrees and no where to go. Hopefully I will soon find what is my next step in life. No more school, no more kids, now I should find something less selfish to do.
Tired and unable to see with this old pair of glasses, I say goodnight.

Things having been going well. I actually bought a watch and am wearing it without any problem. It has been over six years since I could do that! I had to buy a new one though because they had no bands for the one I own. I also bought a really nice long skirt that hopefully does not make me look like a smurf (short and stubby) and I bought a really pretty sweater. Dressing nicely gives a new and better perspective on things. Oh well, back to work. Only an hour to go.

It has been a great end of the year. I think I actually get it. I understand how I might be missed if I were not here. It was a revelation that occured to me a couple of weeks ago. I suppose this is selfish, but at least I believe I am worth something. DS and BH and I really can have a good time together and they both need me as I need them. It's a great start to the new year. Happy New Year!