One of the most consistent things that have been a part of my illness, is my inability to believe that it makes no difference to anyone if I am here or not. I know I should believe that, but I don't. I want to believe it but don't. I think maybe somewhere deep down, I believe it, but am afraid to feel it because it would be so overwhelming. Something for my next session with S.

As has become a yearly ritual, the boys went off to camp and I tore something apart, this time the hall. I have ripped down all the paneling and taken off half the wallpaper that was underneath it. Tomorrow I will finish the wallpaper and hopefully on Friday will be able to start painting. I doubt it will be finished for Saturday, but it's too late to turn back now.

I have begun making bookmarks to sell. I may try some bracelets next week or necklaces, but I need more time to experiment. Maybe I will sell something this week.

S. was hilarious this morning. I had put on Sesame Street (I like to keep up with these shows) and he started watching. At one time he was laying with his back to the TV and watching upside down. He then proceeded to attack Elmo. He's such a goofy cat!