It has been a long time since I posted, nearly a year, but the past almost three years have been stable. Once I started with a new psychiatrist, who started me on new meds, the most important being lithium and Geodon, things have kind of smoothed out. I even survived being forced to resign from my job of 17 years and being unemployed for a year. (They want young things in the burger flipping jobs and young things in the professional jobs because they don't have to pay as much!)
Then at my last Dr.'s visit this month he discovered I had tardive dyskinesthia (sp?) so we have had to switch to Fanapt. Now I can't sleep at night and I am finding thoughts of suicide injecting themselves into my waking hours. And to top it all off, Robin Williams committed suicide. I can't believe that he won't be around anymore, but I also know that his struggle is over.

I feel a bit panicked because I thought my own struggles were over, but that was just being naive on my part. My anger and frustration are building again and I am fighting the urge to cut again. It is Summer and no sleeves means their is no way to hide the cutting unless I cut my legs. What the hell! No one looks at them anymore anyway.

There have been some good things about changing meds, I am listening to music again, my emotions don't seem so flat anymore.

Hmm, I seem almost sleepy so I am going to hit the sack and capitalize on that.