New week, new feeling

I was pretty down last week, but I feel better this week. Course not having to work half of last week probably helped. More and more snow, with more coming this week. Tomorrow I show my agility by getting on the roof to get rid of snow. BH is not good with heights. Hopefully no ambulance rides. I don't know why I never thought of this before but when I daydream about negative interactions I feel worse. Caught myself a couple of times this week and turned it around. Still some fleeting thoughts of cutting (when I thought about people seeing my scars) and once or twice about killing myself but nothing really bad.

I have been wearing make-up for a couple of weeks and still need some practice but it is going ok. Now I haven't decided about the highlights but I am thinking about it strongly. I don't know what BH and DS will think, but we'll see. I realize this is all kind of vain, but I do feel a bit better, I just need to redifine this whole thing.

I am worried about the cats. The Deaf One has pruned his back to almost nothing and I think Foxy has lost weight. I will be taking them to the vet on Tuesday. I'm trying two at once again and hope there are no peeing incidents. I have been watching movies with BH every night. Tonight was Gidget, I tried not to tease too much, but it was really hard to resist. He has been surprised by how many of his movies I have already seen. I didn't have a lot of other things to do when I was growing up. With no cousins my age I was kind of alone. And while I have my family, I am still alone. Shopping today was on my own because he would have been no fun, so I sent him to the three B's, Best Buy, Borders and Barnes and Noble. He found some DVDs.

I have an appointment with my Dr. tomorrow and my therapist. I did call her about the whole second opinion thing. If she continues to bad mouth him, I will have to leave her. I REALLY don't want to, but I can't be put in the middle anymore and since she is the one with the problem, it will be her that I move away from. I have already hashed through this, so I'm going to leave it alone.

I am feeling like I may be able to start copying my journals from the hospital onto here. I am sure I will be embarrassed by how petty I was, I can do better as I go on.