Thanksgiving

I just heard the National Geographic opening theme for the first time in about 30 years. It drew back to my childhood and the special nights when we were able to get the TV channel that had the National Geographic on it. Kind of weird happening on Thanksgiving eve. Tomorrow morning DS and I will go to my sister's house to cook the turkey. Though it was supposed to be at our house, it is too small and my family knew that I would never be able to get things ready. I really should appreciate their support more than I do. I just dread that moment tomorrow when we give thanks, and everyone gets a bit choked up. It is a reminder of how much I pain I have caused my family. It always bothers me when I discover that something I have said sounds so lame compared with things others are going through. After I commented about this, one of the other patients explained in another section how her mother, who cannot handle that her daughter is lesbian or that her daughter has a mental illness, told her to f*** off and hopes that she dies. How can my own hangups be compared to that. She would probably do anything to get any kind of positive response from her family. I feel so awful about the whole day. All I really want to do now is scrap the whole family thing and have these women, who may have been responsible for their situation, but are now getting help, for a Thanksgiving dinner they wouldn't forget. My mother of course, let me know that this thought was ridiculous to even suggest. My mother seems to be getting very cynical. My sister's friend has come down with pancreatitis and is in the hospital. My mom wanted to make sure she didn't have some kind of bug we were all going to catch, which is, in itself, a ridiculous thought. I am trying to be patient with this, but apparently am not.

I am also a bit peeved with one of the other parishioners. She had asked me to help her with a church history. I responded by telling her I was not currently able to do this. She sent the following in a email to the entire parish:

I have the history of St ***'s on disc and printed for editing.  I need to
prepare it for printing and wondered if you know anyone who could help me, I
am not a writer and don't how to complete this project.  I have sent an
email to *****, who I understand has the ability to do this but may
not be able to at this time.  So, I am looking for anyone who might help me.
I am willing to do the typing if I have guidance.  If it could be done
nicely it might become a little money maker for ST ***'s and it would be
something to be proud of for all of us.

What do you think?  And, where should I start?  If I  h ear from **** I
will let you know but in the meantime if you would think about this project
and maybe lead me to someone talented in writing.

We will be at a daughter's in **** for Thanksgiving with about   15
around the table, good to catch up with all the younguns.  How about your
Thanksgiving plans?  Hope you will be with family and familiar traditions,
Happy Thanksgiving.  ****

We have had trouble with the same person writing other things that contained inappropriate things about our former priest. I don't know if she realizes what she's doing or not, but she makes it sound like I am just choosing not to do it. I am still trying to decide how to respond. Not everyone in the parish knows that I am ill and not in the best position to do anything. I feel like it forces me to let people know. What do I do?

Right now I don't know how I am going to handle doing the program and work and go Christmas shopping. I just feel so out of it.

I just had a great conversation with H. He wanted to see how things were going and let me know they have kept me in their thoughts and prayers. This was a great mood booster, so now I am going to say goodnight while I feel this way.