Father's Day

I feel really crappy because it was BH's first father's day without his father and I hardly even registered it. I also got nothing for my dad, not even a card. I did almost no housework. What is wrong with me?! I am no use to anyone except for my pay. Once this year is over, there will be no need for me to be around. What difference does any of it make. I have messed up this year enough and it will be a tough summer financially. Even killing myself won't make a difference because my life insurance won't pay enough. At least no one would have to worry about what they would come home to find. Except another day with a fat middle-aged woman. What am I going to do?