Last night I dreamt that we were camping in cabins/houses, it must have been in Russia. One of the boys in the youth group tried to help some other kids defect. The Russian kids were caught but he ran away. I got everyone to go looking for him and yelling to him, but he wouldn't come out. I was afraid something had happened to him. I had to call his parents, but I couldn't get my phone to work. It wasn't really a nightmare, more of a bad dream. I just couldn't get him to come back or find him.

Then I got up and couldn't find the door. I kept trying to go through the window, it was very confusing. The colors were wrong and I then I couldn't focus on anything. Sometimes when I convince myself I am not crazy, I go do something like that. I know that there are people out there who really need help and have nothing, but sometimes I just want it to all go away. I want to be normal without medication, but I don't want to go back to who I was. I'm gaining weight again now that summer is over and I had two bowls of cereal, a serving of mandarin oranges, a soda, a Lean Cuisine thing and two cany bars and now it's only 8:30 and I'm starving, with my stomach growling and everything.

I don't remember class too well tonight. It was busy at school with lots of classes and I was alone because C. was out sick again. Then I had to come home, check on DS then go back to campus. Rambling, like usual. Too much to deal with.